Classified Ads

The 'Message' ads, in your local newspaper's classified section, are a great way to connect with friends and colleagues, whether to simply chat (if you don't mind delayed conversations) or to covertly organize conspiracies, resistance movements, First Friday Art Nights, and other slowly unfolding plots.

This is especially good to know if you don't have a computer (or a life), but equally true if you happen to have it all (...especially cash, for unlike most Internet-based jibber-jabber, these ads aren't free) Indeed, classified ad messaging is often the optimal means for expediting interpersonal (not to mention inter-species) communication, and can be positively invaluable to time-travelers interconnecting with one another along, within, and between their convoluted journeys. Captain Belchfire has always been hip to employing the medium, whenever and wherever appropriate, and sometimes not!

Recently intercepted via The Daily Courier of Grants Pass (not far from The Oregon Vortex):

WEEK ONE (beginning Thursday, November 8 — through Nov. 10)
  • Belchfire, O Belchfire! Where do you roam? Captain Belchfire, please come home! JG, MoS&T
  • To Johnny G: WHEN (and why) do you be? This is Captain B., call me.
  • Captain Belchfire: I'm stranded in 2012, waiting for parts. Send the Galactic High Council minutes to my 1996 mailbox, then I will have picked them up when I go/went back then next week. — JG, MoS&T
WEEK TWO (November 12-17)
  • JG, Election day(s) I slept all through – from 1712 through 2332. So give me a clue, how did we do? (Should I be blue?) Capt. Belchfire
  • Captain B., Most of the campaigns went well, but now Decembers' Art Nights are upon us. Time in 2012 is limited, so meet me on the Moon, July 4, 2220 when we can talk art & politics at Dutch Bros. – JG
  • Johnny: I'm on the Moon in 222-oh, enjoying a splendid fireworks show, drinking Blue Rebel with old Fosmo (He put 'em on your tab, you know). Where in the heck were/are/will be YO? Belchfire
  • 'Where in the Heck'??? Don't be silly, Captain B., I was on the Web! Anyhow, the Antarans are getting restless and your counsel is needed. Grab your socks and return to present-day Earth ASAP. JG—MoS&T
  • JG, MoS&T: My Planet remains firm on the 'Sustainable Yield' policies outlined at the Ganymede Accords, and *belch* having just beamed-up pizza from Papa John's, I'm so stuffed I missed half your words... (Yikes! Did you say "Antarans?!?") ~ Capt. B.
  • Belchfire: The Antaran Armada is on the offensive, but something is different this time... Siriusly, if the Resistance doesn't make a stand, picnics as we know them could be history. JG—MoS&T
WEEK THREE (November 19-24)
  • Antarans are simple and diminutive, Sunshine — by Elegance they are NOT defined. What you should really try to get, is diatomaceous earth from Chet's. ~ Belchfire
  • Capt. B., The Antarans have flouted The Golden Rule and tampered with the very FABRIC of the Multiverse. They have blocked the passageway to Diatomaceous Earth!!! JG–MoS&T
  • These next two appeared on the same day!
    1)   Johnny: Quite a yarn you spin old friend, but toss string theory to the wind. Artistic elements are more to my heart. I hope you've been painting a lot more art! Capt. Belchfire.
    2)   Capt. B.! Of course I've been painting! Have you seen the windows at Listen Here? JG
  • Johnny: Listen Here is FANTASTIC, and the windows too! Did/will you paint murals for Christmas too? ~ Captain Belchfire
  • Captain B.: Christmas windows at Listen Here will be very similar in 1996, 2012, 2020 and 2033 because I intend to paint them all on the same day! JG, Master of Space & Time
WEEK FOUR (November 26—December 1)
  • JG: If Earth is menaced by Antares anew, rest assured that I and my crew, will certainly be there for you. (Also for the antiques — maybe we can hook up at Old Town...?) ~ Belchfire
  • Captain B., It is the business of the future to be dangerous, but if those dratted Antarans develop time-travel then we must also guard our PAST – so if I'm not at the Antique Mall, try the Historical Society. J.G., MoS&T
  • Johnny: I feared Antares might be first, to tame the nano-universe, but time-traveling ants are even worse! Perhaps I should stay on the Moon and curse? ~ Capt. Belchfire
  • Listen here, Captain Belchfire, even the Dark Side of Moon is in danger! The Antaran assault forces include several new regiments — all of the usual colors plus a few never before seen! I don't like them one byte...although I suppose Aardvarks might find them tasty. John Granacki, Master of Space & Time
  • Captain Belchfire to the Good People of Earth: The Master of Space & Time has alerted us to the perilous threat you face with the Dreaded Menace from Antares. Rest assured that the people of Epsilon Eridanus 5 feel our Sister Planets pain, and that the Free Eridanian Allied Resistance has been dutifully mobilized. So..., what time is Lunch?
  • Captain Belchfire to Earth: The Master of Space & Time informs us that you are under attack by the Dratted Nuisance from Antares. Rest assured that the Free Eridanian Allied Resistance is only three parsecs out and on the way. We should arrive on First Friday around Supper-time. Watch for us at Listen Here.
WEEK FIVE (December 3-7 )
  • Captain B, it's almost winter and I don't think the Antarans are going to show-up for the show-down at Listen Here. Better bring cookies instead. JG (
  • Listen here, Johnny, you may be right. To play it safe, I'm calling in 'reinforcements' for Art Night. ~ Captain Belchfire (
  • Capt. B, 'Refreshments' for Art Night sounds sensational! I'm looking forward to seeing you (and sampling them) on First Friday at Listen Here! —John G (
  • Belchfire & Company present: John Granacki, Master of Space & Time, and The Folding-Doors of Perception, a quasi-cyberdelic excursion into the Heart of Art and beyond! First Friday Art Night, December 7 at Listen Here Music. Music, poetry and refreshments will be served! More info at
  • John Granacki, Master of Space and Time, presents Belchfire & Company , an amusio-gastronimical celebration within The Heart of Music, Fine Living, and Refreshments! First Friday Art Night at Listen Here. Art will be exhibited! Antarans will not be served. More info:

Look for us on Art Night!

© 2012 by Captain Belchfire, the Free Eridanian Allied Resistance, and John Granacki Internet Arts